I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
