He uses pillows to masturbate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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