Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
