I can text with my tongue
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
