When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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