I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
