i just had sex bonerless
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
