can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
