The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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