Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
