its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
