Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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