I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
