I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
