I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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