I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
