I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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