I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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