May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
