I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
