apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
