Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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