Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
