On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
