They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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