Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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