Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
