He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
