Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
