I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
