i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This baby is an asshole
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
