So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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