so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
