i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
