Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
