I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
