shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
