as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.