you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine