so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy