...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize