i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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