I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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