I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
