Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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