I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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