Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
