his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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