Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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