he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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