I heard we made out
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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