Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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