I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
