Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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