He told me they were just razor bumps!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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