if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
