Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
