when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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