The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
