so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
