We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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