I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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