i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
