I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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