Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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