Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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