You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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