I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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