You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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