This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
