I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
