im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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