um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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