if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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