Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook