I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
