Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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