I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
