I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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